I have recently come across an online debate where people were weighing in on whether it’s kids that are just bad or parents. I didn’t participate in that discussion because I would have written an essay but I thought this is definitely something I can discuss here 🙂
Before I begin, I would like to point out I will be referring to kids between age of 2 up to 9 maybe. Teenagers are a lot more complex topic for discussion as there are a lot outside factors which influence them whereas the little ones’ environment is pretty narrow.
Do I think there are no bad children? Yes.
What are bad children anyways? Those who do not blindly obey or those who throw tantrums in the middle of Target shopping floor? What is BAD? I don’t know, honestly. Because if having emotional breakdowns, lack of impulse control (which is a part of development!) or not being able to express how one feels is bad, then, wow, adults are such hypocrites because sometimes they cannot do any of these 3 things but require a 4 year old to do so. That’s bad 😉
Do I think there are only bad parents? Absolutely not.
I strongly believe there are parents who are wonderful people but simply lack parenting skills. Many, if not most adults become parents without any knowledge of what it takes to be a parent. And no wonder – they have never done this! Children are unique little humans with their own needs, emotions and feelings. While it is absolutely transforming & life-changing, to become a parent and have kids, there is no manual on how to raise your kids to become great humans and survive at the same time.
Unconditional love, support and a t t e n t i o n are necessary ingredients to raise a happy child in my opinion. (Also, consistency but it is a secondary type of ingredient). I always say the best thing you can give your child is your TIME. This special connection is a way to understand your child. I say this because,sadly, there are parents who pass responsibility of raising their child onto a caregiver and assuming there is not much left to do, they lower their guard. Children that are nurtured don’t act out – they have no need to. Their needs are met, their world is safe and predictable. Boundaries, rules and discipline (the one that teaches, not humiliates) are healthy things. What is more, education has nothing to do with raising kids right. Values or principles cannot be taught anywhere except from your parents.
My advice would be: it will get really hard sometimes which is why is so important to establish rules, follow through and why being a united front is imperative. You are not the only parent who experiences parenting challenges. E V E R Y single parent does and every single parents is doing their very best.
You’ve got this!